so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
