Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
