She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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