Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
