i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
