Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
