WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We're too hungover to prance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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