waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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