Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
