i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
