Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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