dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
last night I used snow as a chaser
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
