But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
