Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize