Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
