So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize