I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
