So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
