Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
