I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
