I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
