I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
