she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
