Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
