I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
