Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
