Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
