How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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