I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
