Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the raccoons are back...
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