I have demons in me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
