He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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