but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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