You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
