The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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