Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
