Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
