we have pet lesbian snakes
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize