my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
