Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
