o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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