Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
