even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
