It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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