Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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