They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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