I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
