Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
