apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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