Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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