I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
