I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
