At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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