HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How external is "for external use only"?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize