why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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