No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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