Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
