But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
