Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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