New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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