I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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