maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just gift wrapped bread.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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