I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm too high and old for this...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
