Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
