i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
