The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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