Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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