Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
