Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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