I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
