the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
