ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
