Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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