About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
