Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
